It's 2008 and I am full of politics

So it's an election year and tomorrow marks the first primary. I've been trying to stay up with the caucuses (cauci?) and debates and such, which so far hasn't really paid off that much. I'm pretty firmly entrenched in the Obama camp and Edwards is growing on me a bit although he still seems kinda insincere, so I was pleased with the Iowa caucus results. Nobody ever really says anything new in these things, though. The Democratic New Hampshire debate was basically just the same talking points over and over again: Obama is hopeful, Edwards's dad worked in a mill, Clinton has somehow transformed from the experienced candidate into the true agent of change, and Bill Richardson loves punching tables. Out of those I think I still like the hopeful guy the best, so there you go. The highlight of the debate was watching Obama and Edwards gang up on Hillary and making her flip out and get hella angry, which you can see here:



Look at that crazed suburban Cary mom glint in her eye! It's terrifying!

I didn't get to see the Republican debates but it sounds like it was basically just a bunch of mudslinging and Mitt Romney looked like an idiot, so that's good enough for me. I found some of Ron Paul's previous debate arguments particularly compelling:



Speaking of, I also wanted to put a few of the bills and resolutions that Ron Paul has sponsored in here just because I can:

"A bill to direct the Secretary of the Treasury to strike and sell gold medallions to the general public."

"A bill to provide for a full assay, inventory, and audit of the gold reserves of the United States, and for other purposes."

"A bill to make Federal Reserve Notes and United States Notes redeemable in gold."

GOLD STANDARD

"A bill to abolish the Department of Education."

Yeah we probably don't need education what a dumb idea that was!

"A bill to repeal the Soil and Water Conservation Act of 1977."

Yeah we probably don't need soil and water what a dumb idea that was!

"A bill to make all Iranian Students in the United States ineligible for any form of federal aid."

Got 'em, coach! For a guy who talks about how the United States does so much to make the Middle East hate us (which I don't entirely disagree with), I don't see how this would really help matters.

"A joint resolution congratulating the men and women of the United States space programs and of the industries, businesses, and educational institutions supporting them who have developed a new field of technology to promote and preserve the free enterprise system, the acquisition of knowledge and freedom."

Why send a card to congratulate someone when you can try and pass legislation?

And finally

"A bill to strengthen the American family and promote the virtues of family life."

This bill also tries to abolish the Department of Education just fyi

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Here are some other miscellaneous things I don't understand:



You can actually win a caucus with ads that use silly internet catchphrases like this? Could I run with a picture of a kitten in an Uncle Sam hat and the slogan "I CAN HAZ PRESIDENCY?!?" Chuck Norris's beard in this ad clearly isn't even thick enough to conceal a fist. What other lies will Mike Huckabee tell?

Hey little fella! You're gonna be my runningmate!

As you can see in this clip, Norris was actually onstage for Huckabee's speech after the Iowa victory. How has the American political process come to this:



At least Chuck seems pretty happy to be there, he's grinning like a fiend. However, in a move I understand even less, John McCain has responded to Huckabee's use of celebrity by bringing out a secret weapon of his own:

Now THIS is a celebrity!

That's right, it's Wilford Brimley, not to be mistaken for the old guy on Walker, Texas Ranger. In a shocking twist of fate, however, Brimley actually did guest star on Walker, Texas Ranger as Burt Mueller in 1995. Perhaps Obama should get the "Walker told me I have AIDS" kid to help lock down the youth vote.

Anyway, I don't really know what McCain plans to accomplish with this but I feel much better about the future of the War on Diabeetus now. I hope you've learned something from all this, I know I sure have.

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